13 Tips on How to Love Yourself More
Have you ever been in love?
Deeply, madly, passionately in love?
Yes... with yourself.
After all, it’s easy to fall in love with another person… or at least convince yourself that you have.
We’ve all been there.
Thought, “he’s the one!” Or, “she’s perfect” … after just a few dates. Perhaps even on the first date.
The conversation is going well… he makes your heart race… she makes you laugh… you want the same things out of life.
Or so you think.
To be honest, often the love we feel for another person is an inadvertent projection of what we are feeling or want for ourselves. So if you know how to love yourself, you’ll know what your soul craves in a mate.
Like I said, falling in love is easy… learning how to love yourself is the tricky part.
Not to mention, a crucial piece of the puzzle when it comes to forming a lasting relationship with someone else.
For instance, if you don’t like how shy you are… you may find yourself seeking out a mate who is exceptionally outgoing.
And that’s ok.
Every yin needs its yang.
But what is not ok are things like depression and self doubt.
Those are not healthy feelings… and yet a very real problem today that people are only starting to talk about openly.
Sadly, their talent was not the reason their faces made the cover of countless magazines this past June… but rather their tragic suicides.
And while their celebrity status doesn’t make their deaths any more important than that of the quiet father who lost his job recently and saw no options other than to take his own life… Bourdain and Spade’s tales have brought this very dark topic more mainstream.
You never know how much someone is struggling.
So when it comes to figuring out how to love yourself, it’s important to have a healthy support system.
But it’s also important to recognize the signs within yourself… telling you that you may have a problem.
Most people hide their insecurities well.
They hide depression even better.
In this article, I am going to provide 13 tips on how to love yourself more.
Stay with me.
Happiness is attainable for us all… it may just take a little work at times.
Tip #1: Wake Up Every Morning to a Compliment
Ok. No, I’m not suggesting that you get out of bed and force your significant other to tell you how beautiful you are.
That would be nice, but not very realistic.
What I am suggesting, however, is that you open your eyes and quietly pay yourself a compliment.
Something like, “I have beautiful skin”.
Or, “I’m a great mom!”
“I make the best omelets.”
Tip #2: Utilize the Power of Positive Thinking
You shouldn’t have to struggle to say something nice about yourself… but if you do find it difficult, you may want to start off with some positive affirmations each morning.
Doing so can give you the confidence boost you need when learning how to love yourself… will it and you will find a way.
Tip #3: Give yourself a Time Out
Kids often receive the dreaded time out for doing something wrong.
Professional athletes get proverbial time outs for committing fouls.
But generally speaking, a time out is a break.
And adults can benefit from these breaks when they are feeling overwhelmed.
Whether it’s work stressing you out, family, school, money… taking a breather is a great way to put yourself first when attempting to learn how to love yourself.
Tip #4: Channel your Inner Jedi
Feel your strengths.
Acknowledge your weaknesses.
Find balance in mindfulness.
When it comes to perfecting how to love yourself, mindfulness is a powerful tool.
Simply put, mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment... while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.
Settling into your own head can allow you to see your daily routine more clearly… giving it a greater purpose and direction.
So why not give it a whirl?
After all… there is no try, only do.
Tip #5: Focus on the Positives
No matter what hand life has dealt you, there is always a chance to improve it.
There is also usually at least one bright spot in the darkness… you just have to seek it out.
For instance, maybe you hate your job… but you’re grateful to have one because it keeps a roof over your head.
If you’re learning how to love yourself, you should take a good look at the positives in your life. All there is to be grateful for.
You may even want to write one thing down every day (challenge yourself not to repeat too often though).
Tip #6: Let Go of your Anger
There is no room for anger when it comes to perfecting how to love yourself.
Anger consumes too much of your time and energy… which often gets in the way of your happiness and success.
If you’re angry at someone… or maybe even yourself… simply let it go.
It may be easier said than done in some cases, but I promise you that doing so will open up a channel of positivity that can improve your overall mood and well being.
Tip #7: Practice “(Happy) People Watching”
When we hear the term “people watching, it’s typically meant as a candid and not so flattering description of a social mess.
It’s meant to be entertaining, but not necessarily in a good way.
“(Happy) people watching” is different.
You aren’t looking to judge others, but rather looking to emulate them… and their outward happiness.
Happiness is contagious… and a bug we should all strive to get.
Happiness can be a woman with a contagious laugh, playing with her kids.
A man running past you on your morning jog, who offers a smile and quick word of encouragement.
A baby petting a dog for the first time.
An elderly woman humming her wedding song in the kitchen, sipping tea.
Happy people often have routines or hobbies that help elevate their moods.
For some, it’s exercising daily.
For some, it’s meditation.
Others play the guitar.
They slow down to stop and smell the roses.
Finding the thing that makes you happy, and putting it into practice, is key for mastering how to love yourself.
It can also be really fun!
Tip #8: Put Yourself In A Child’s Shoes
Rarely will you find anybody that knows how to love yourself more than a child.
Kids exude confidence and a general sense of wonder… which is not only a beautiful thing to watch, but also something we can take a page from.
The next time it rains, why not put on rubber boots and jump in puddles with your kids?
Or stay in your pajamas late and watch cartoons on a Saturday.
Ride a carousel.
Playing with your inner child for the day can give you just the happiness boost you need to succeed!
Tip #9: Slow Down
It’s no coincidence that we rarely see people smiling when they are rushing to catch a train… or standing in line at the food store.
As a society, most of us are always in a rush.
Our time is micromanaged down to the minute to guarantee we get our errands run, our work done, our kids to soccer practice on time.
What is so important that it can’t wait?
If you want to succeed in learning how to love yourself, it’s critical that you slow down to re-prioritize things a bit.
When you quit worrying about missing out, you may be pleasantly surprised to find that what you have is enough to make your happy.
Tip #10: Embrace Your Imperfections
Nobody is perfect.
Yet we have a tendency to spend countless hours trying to be.
We get so caught up in dwelling on what we don’t like about ourselves, or our life, that we become our own worst enemy.
Constantly comparing ourselves to other people.
But at the end of the day, when trying to master the art of how to love yourself, the only person standing in your way is you.
Sure, it’s also sometimes the people you surround yourself with; but, YOU are the only one who can insight real change.
When you become comfortable with your limitations, your body, your situation… you will be accepting who you really are.
And you are uniquely wonderful.
The minute you realize that, you will be on the road to a healthy and loving relationship with yourself.
Tip #11: Imagine Playing “Freaky Friday” with another person
You’ve probably seen the classic Jamie Lee Curtis movie, “Freaky Friday”.
If not, maybe the remake with your Lindsay Lohan obsessed tweeners.
If I’m really dating myself, there was also a Judge Reinhold film called “Vice Versa.”
The premise was simple… a classic… two people wish they could switch places with each other.
The next day when they wake up…
You guessed it…
It actually happens.
They live in each other’s bodies. Deal with each other’s crises (be it at work or school). Sample each other’s relationships.
There are ups and downs… but, in the end…
They preferred their own lives and work tirelessly to get them back.
The grass is not always greener on the other side, my friend. And sometimes, many times, people put on airs… masking their true feelings.
Think about the executive in your office with the fancy sports car…
He may have an estranged relationship with his daughter because he works too many hours each week, missing all of her “big” moments.
Then there is the mother of infant twins who left her job to stay home with them all day…
She is depressed over the way she looks and misses drinks with her friends after work. She has nobody to talk to these days and feels incredibly lonely.
Or how about the model who travels all over the world for photo shoots?
Her looks are flawless, but she has an eating disorder she can’t tell anyone about.
Picturing yourself switching places with someone you perceive as having a better life than you can really put things into perspective when learning how to love yourself.
Tip #12: “Treat Yo Self”
If you want a quick fix on the road to how to love yourself, try some immediate gratification.
“Treat Yo Self Day” is one you set aside to pamper yourself.
To treat yourself like royalty and indulge in your most extravagant whims.
- Uber to your favorite restaurant.
- Buy yourself a new outfit that makes you feel sexy.
- Get a massage.
- Take a VIP tour of your local vineyard or brewery.
- Book a hotel room for the night and order room service.
- Make yourself the center of attention for just one day.
Treat Yo Self will make you feel fabulous!
And if you’re lucky, it may even convince you to fall in love with the person you’re spending quality time with.
Now that’s a win/win!
Tip #13: Be the Person that You Admire Most
It’s easy to feel bad when are constantly comparing yourself to all of the other people you admire.
And that makes it really hard to figure out how to love yourself.
Maybe you admire a co-worker because she had the guts to skydive for her 40th birthday.
Or maybe you admire your boss, who started a non-profit for foster children.
Maybe it’s your best friend, who just finished his first marathon at age 50.
But what is stopping you from being that person?
You guessed it…
You are your own worst enemy when you make excuses as to why you can’t do or be something.
And you can change that.
So sit down and make two lists.
- The first is a list of who you admire and why.
- The second is a list of personal goals for yourself and a timeline to make them happen.
Make them happen.
Think, “Yes I can!”.
Checking just one off will do wonders to lift your spirits… and forever change how you view your limitations.
I mean, what limitations??
Final Thoughts on Learning How to Love Yourself
Love is a many splendored thing.
Love is powerful.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is within everyone’s reach.
We all deserve love… and to be loved.
But learning how to love yourself is where it all begins.
Treating yourself the same way you’d want to be treated starts from within.
And once you release it, it’s contagious.
Learning how to love yourself will improve all facets of your life.
It will open doors to opportunities you never knew existed.
It will bring new people into your life.
It will bring unexpected surprises.
It will bring hope.
It will bring change.
I don't’ know about you, but I believe in second chances.
I believe in happy endings.
And I believe you deserve one.
Practicing these 13 tips every day will put you well on your way to mastering how to love yourself.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Nicole Krause has been writing both personally and professionally for over 20 years. She holds a dual B.A. in English and Film Studies. Her work has appeared in some of the country’s top publications, major news outlets, online publications and blogs. As a happily married (and extremely busy) mother of four… her articles primarily focus on parenting, marriage, family, finance, organization and product reviews.