11 Essential Confidence Habits (How to transform your self-confidence overnight)
Confidence Habits. Some people just have them.
You can see it in their walk, in the way they greet people, in the way they handle themselves at parties and in meetings. And others pay attention to them, because they just “seem" to exude a “presence." Lots of politicians have it too. Even when what they say isn’t true, people believe them. Why? Because they have what we have come to call self-confidence.
And how do we define self-confidence? It is trust in oneself – in one’s skills and abilities and talents – a trust that makes a person assertive and proactive. Research tells us self-confident people also make more money and get more promotions. So it would seem that all of us need to get some of that too. And here’s 11 habits that you can begin to work on right now that will change that walk of yours.
1. Confident People Ask for Help When They Need It
It may at first seem counter-intuitive to think of a confident person asking for help – aren’t they supposed to have all of the answers? Here’s the thing:
People who have confidence habits have no problem with not knowing everything. It is those who lack the confidence habit hide their lack of understanding or inability to do something.
To the confident person, asking for and getting help means the chance to learn something.
So, step #1 for you, if you are hiding your lack of knowledge, is to begin to ask for help. Once it’s a habit, you’ll ask for help without feeling any shame. You’re on your way already.
2. Confident People Are Not Afraid to Be Wrong
There are no perfect people. Mistakes are made. The difference is this:
People with confidence do not see mistakes as “black marks" on themselves. They admit the mistake, “own" it, learn from it, and move on.
People who lack confidence see a mistake as a horrible blot. They believe that others will think badly of them and see them as less smart or competent. So they cover up the mistake, try to prove that it wasn’t a mistake, and no one thinks highly of them for doing this.
Try admitting a mistake next time you make one. It’s not that painful, and you’ll discover that others don’t think less of your for it. In fact they will hold you in greater esteem because you are frank and honest.
Each time you admit a mistake, it gets easier to do.
3. Confident People Find Their Happiness Within Themselves
Insecure people have to have constant validation and praise from others in order to feel good about themselves. And when they don’t get it, they feel more insecure – it’s really a vicious cycle.
Confident people can praise themselves and can find joy in what they accomplish privately. It doesn’t matter to them what others think, because they know their worth and they are pleased with themselves.
This habit is probably the most difficult to nurture, because it means changing one’s whole perspective.
You begin by not announcing your accomplishments to others so that you can get praise.
You quietly praise yourself for a job well done, give yourself a reward, and move forward.
Gradually, you will feel that sense of pride grow, and with that pride comes greater confidence.
It’s wonderfully liberating to lose dependence upon others for your happiness and sense of worth.
4. Confident People Don’t Have to Be the Center of Attention
The need to be the center of attention is fueled by insecurity. And it comes from the habit just discussed above – that happiness comes from the opinions and praise of others.
Insecure people have worth only when others are paying attention to them.
Confident people, on the other hand, don’t need the attention. They know who they are and that they are worthwhile – there is just no need to be constantly recognized and paid attention to by others. Interestingly, their lack of attention-seeking usually means that more people do pay attention to them.
Developing this habit means that you consciously hold back. Don’t spend time “ticking" off your successes and boasting about your accomplishments. People tune you out when you do. Praise and reward yourself.
Interestingly, people who don’t seek attention for their achievements usually get more attention in the long run.
5. Confident People Take Risks
Their attitude is this: If I don’t take this risk, will I regret it later? The answer is almost always a “yes."
The confident person knows that the worst that will happen is a failure, and they know they learn from their failures.
Insecure people fear failure – what will others think? How will I explain this? I’ll be ashamed.
Nurturing this habit starts with small risks. Take a course in a subject you never did well in as a student. Start a small business on the side. Over time, you can increase your risk level. It’s exciting, it’s fun, and it’s what confident people do.
6. Confident People Celebrate the Successes of Others
When you know who you are and like who you are, it’s easy to praise others who achieve something great. It doesn’t take away from your worth, nor does it diminish your successes and achievements in any way.
Insecure people have a tough time with this, because the successes of others takes attention away from them, and they are jealous.
Life is not a competition. Make a conscious effort to praise others, to compliment them. You’ll actually gain confidence in the long run because others will reciprocate.
7. Confident People Don’t Judge Others
There just is no need to do this. Wayne Dyer, philosopher, psychologist and author said this: “When you judge others, it doesn’t define them; it only defines you as someone who needs to judge."
There is such a great freedom in not needing to make judgements of the activities and lifestyles of others.
Confident people choose their own lifestyles and allow others theirs.
Insecure people judge because it makes them feel “right."
When you are about to judge, stop yourself and repeat Wayne Dyer’s words. Ultimately, this non-judgement will become a habit. And it’s a great feeling not to have to always compare yourself to others.
8. Confident People Speak with Confidence
Rarely will you hear a confident person utter phrases like, “I’m not sure" or “I think maybe we should try." If you use these types of phrases, then you need to replace them with phrases like, “I’ll find out and get back to you," or “We should do this."
Just the words you use will deliver messages about your level of confidence. And as you change your vocabulary, your own confidence improves.
This talking without confidence often goes hand-in-hand with nervous gestures, ticks and other physical displays that you lack confidence. See the post on dealing with nervous habits below for effective techniques for dealing with these tics and physical manifestations of a lack of confidence.
Saying “no" is really tough for those who lack confidence. The fear is this: if they say “no," they won’t be liked anymore. If they say “no" someone will be disappointed or angry. Who’s in charge here? Never saying “no" means others are in control of you, and there will never be a growth of self-confidence.
The next time someone asks you if you will help them out, and if you don’t really want to, muster up the courage and let that “no" word come out of your mouth. It gets easier each time you do it!
10. Confident People Compete With Themselves
They set challenges for themselves and then work to meet them. This comes from a love of new experiences and of lifelong learning.
People who lack confidence let others determine the challenges and then compete with others to meet them first. And if they “lose" to someone else, their insecurity just grows.
If you fail to meet your own challenges, it’s no big deal – you just try again until you do. There are no winners and losers when you compete against yourself, so you never lose.
Set those small goals and go after them. Challenge yourself to a personal fitness program; challenge yourself to master golf; challenge yourself to write a novel. Confidence builds as you achieve these things and carries over into both your personal and professional lives.
11. Confident People Listen
Confident people have nothing to prove to anyone. They don’t have to bolster themselves by butting in and controlling the conversation. Instead they listen, because they know that they may learn something.
Next time you feel the urge to butt in and take control, mentally step back. Let others have their say. Then, come in with your confident phrases and give your input.
The Confidence Habits Takeway
Confidence is all mental habit, nothing more. Once you develop the mental habits, the physical will follow. You will have that walk, and you will have that talk – you will look smart and capable, because you are.
About the Author
Daniela McVicker is an independent blogger and writer who doesn't believe in the word impossible. Passionate about traveling, love and self-culture. Currently works as an editor for TopWritersReview, you can follow Daniela on Twitter or add her on Facebook.