11 Habits to Be More Self Confident

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Self confidence. Some people just have it.

You can see it in their walk, in the way they greet people, in the way they handle themselves at parties and in meetings. And others pay attention to them, because they just seem to exude a “presence.”

Lots of politicians show lots of self confidence. Even when what they say isn’t true, people believe them. Why? Because they exude an aura of true belief in what they're saying.

Research tells us that self-confident people also make more money and get more promotions. So if you want to be more successful in life, then one thing you can do is work on your lack of confidence. And that's why we recommend focusing on 11 habits that will help you be more self confident.

Let's get to it…

11 Habits of Confident People

1. Confident People Ask for Help When They Need It

It may at first seem counter-intuitive to think of a confident person asking for help – aren’t they supposed to have all of the answers? Here’s the thing:

  • People who have confidence habits have no problem with not knowing everything. It is those who lack the confidence habit hide their lack of understanding or inability to do something.
  • To the confident person, asking for and getting help means the chance to learn something.
  • So, step #1 for you, if you are hiding your lack of knowledge, is to begin to ask for help. Once it’s a habit, you’ll ask for help without feeling any shame. You’re on your way already.

2. Confident People Are Not Afraid to Be Wrong

There are no perfect people. Mistakes are made. The difference is this:

  • People with confidence do not see mistakes as “black marks” on themselves. They admit the mistake, “own” it, learn from it, and move on.
  • People who lack confidence see a mistake as a horrible blot. They believe that others will think badly of them and see them as less smart or competent. So they cover up the mistake, try to prove that it wasn’t a mistake, and no one thinks highly of them for doing this.
  • Try admitting a mistake next time you make one. It’s not that painful, and you’ll discover that others don’t think less of you for it. In fact, they will hold you in greater esteem because you are frank and honest.
    Each time you admit a mistake, it gets easier to do.

Need some encouragement that failure is not the end of things? Check out these awesome quotes on failure and success.

RELATED: Habits that Stick!

Want to build a new habit that will stick for the rest of your lifetime? In this video, you will discover a simple 9-step process about building habits that you can immediately implement.

3. Confident People Find Their Happiness Within Themselves

Insecure people have to have constant validation and praise from others in order to feel good about themselves. And when they don’t get it, they feel more insecure – it’s really a vicious cycle.

Confident people can praise themselves and can find joy in what they accomplish privately. It doesn’t matter to them what others think, because they know their worth and they are pleased with themselves.

This habit is probably the most difficult to nurture because it means changing one’s whole perspective.

  • You begin by not announcing your accomplishments to others so that you can get praise.
  • You quietly praise yourself for a job well done, give yourself a reward, and move forward.
  • Gradually, you will feel that sense of pride grow, and with that pride comes greater confidence.
  • It’s wonderfully liberating to lose dependence upon others for your happiness and sense of worth.

4. Confident People Don’t Have to Be the Center of Attention

The need to be the center of attention is fueled by insecurity. And it comes from the habit just discussed above – that happiness comes from the opinions and praise of others.

  • Insecure people have worth only when others are paying attention to them.
  • Confident people, on the other hand, don’t need the attention. They know who they are and that they are worthwhile – there is just no need to be constantly recognized and paid attention to by others.
  • Interestingly, their lack of attention-seeking usually means that more people do pay attention to them.
  • Developing this habit means that you consciously hold back. Don’t spend time “ticking” off your successes and boasting about your accomplishments. People tune you out when you do. Praise and reward yourself.

Interestingly, people who don’t seek attention for their achievements usually get more attention in the long run.

5. Confident People Take Risks

Their attitude is this: If I don’t take this risk, will I regret it later? The answer is almost always a “yes.”

  • The confident person knows that the worst that will happen is a failure, and they know they learn from their failures.
  • Insecure people fear failure – what will others think? How will I explain this? I’ll be ashamed.

Nurturing this habit starts with small risks. Take a course in a subject you never did well in as a student. Build a new skill. Start a small business on the side. Over time, you can increase your risk level. It’s exciting, it’s fun, and it’s what confident people do.

6. Confident People Celebrate the Successes of Others

When you know who you are and like who you are, it’s easy to praise others who achieve something great. It doesn’t take away from your worth, nor does it diminish your successes and achievements in any way.

Insecure people have a tough time with this, because the successes of others takes attention away from them, and they are jealous.

Life is not a competition. Make a conscious effort to praise others, to compliment them. You’ll actually gain confidence in the long run because others will reciprocate.

confidence for today | my confidence varies | how to build confidence day by day
People who are confident about themselves will also celebrate the success of others.

7. Confident People Don’t Judge Others

There is simply no need to judge the people around you. Wayne Dyer, philosopher, psychologist and author said this: “When you judge others, it doesn’t define them; it only defines you as someone who needs to judge.”

There is such great freedom in not needing to make judgments of the activities, hobbies, and lifestyles of others.

  • Confident people choose their own lifestyles and allow others theirs.
  • Insecure people judge because it makes them feel “right.”

When you are about to judge, stop yourself and repeat Wayne Dyer’s words. Ultimately, this non-judgment will become a habit. And it’s a great feeling not to have to always compare yourself to others.

8. Confident People Speak with Confidence

Rarely will you hear a confident person utter phrases like, “I’m not sure” or “I think maybe we should try.” If you use these types of phrases, then you need to replace them with phrases like, “I’ll find out and get back to you,” or “We should do this.”

Just the words you use will deliver messages about your level of confidence. And as you change your vocabulary, your own confidence improves.

This talking without confidence often goes hand-in-hand with nervous gestures, ticks and other physical displays that you lack confidence. See the post on dealing with nervous habits below for effective techniques for dealing with these tics and physical manifestations of a lack of confidence.

9. Confident People Can Say “No”

Saying “no” is really tough for those who lack confidence. The fear is this: if they say “no,” they won’t be liked anymore. If they say “no” someone will be disappointed or angry. Who’s in charge here? Never saying “no” means others are in control of you, and there will never be a growth of self-confidence.

The next time someone asks you if you will help them out, and if you don’t really want to, muster up the courage and let that “no” word come out of your mouth. It gets easier each time you do it!

10. Confident People Compete With Themselves

They set challenges for themselves and then work to meet them. This comes from a love of new experiences and of lifelong learning.

People who lack confidence let others determine the challenges and then compete with others to meet them first. And if they “lose” to someone else, their insecurity just grows.

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Set challenges for yourself and then work to meet them.

If you fail to meet your own challenges, it’s no big deal – you just try again until you do. There are no winners and losers when you compete against yourself, so you never lose.

Focus on setting short-term goals and go after them. Challenge yourself to a personal fitness program like Aaptiv; challenge yourself to master golf; challenge yourself to write a novel. Confidence builds as you achieve these things and carries over into both your personal and professional lives.

To learn more about how goal setting can help, check out these SMART goals examples on building confidence.

11. Confident People Listen

Confident people have nothing to prove to anyone. They don’t have to bolster themselves by butting in and controlling the conversation. Instead, they listen because they know that they may learn something.

Next time you feel the urge to butt in and take control, mentally step back. Let others have their say. Then, come in with your confident phrases and give your input.

And to learn more about how to do this, check out our article on mindful listening.

Final Thoughts on Being More Self Confident

Confidence is all mental habit, nothing more. Once you develop the mental habits, the physical will follow. You will have that walk, and you will have that talk – you will look smart and capable because you are.

If you need more help, check out our post on how to be less sensitive to criticism and adversity.

Finally, if you need help with building habits, then check out this nine-step blueprint that walks you through the entire process of creating lifelong habits.)

About the Author

Daniela McVicker is an independent blogger and writer who doesn't believe in the word impossible. Passionate about traveling, love and self-culture. Currently works as an editor for TopWritersReview, you can follow Daniela on Twitter or add her on Facebook.

8 thoughts on “11 Habits to Be More Self Confident”

  1. This is a truly comprehensive post Daniela. I love the short definition i.e. confidence is to “trust oneself”.

    I think self-confidence is the essential foundation for all that we do. Without it we can’t achieve our full potential in work, social life, hobbies or relationships.

    No. 3 speaks loudest to me. Overcoming fear of what others think took me years to achieve and I still work on it. Learning to ignore the automatic negative thoughts through positive affirmations and meditation were the turning point.

    Super thanks for writing the article.


  2. Hey Daniela,

    Great post! I love that you mentioned that “Confident People Find Their Happiness From Within.” Far too often, people look to external sources for motivation or “happiness stimulus” which really aren’t forms of long-term motivation or fulfillment. Also, the advice you gave to reverse the process of seeking external validation are very practical and comprehensive. Anyone can learn so much from reading this.

    I have a system, called the TCS System, which helps someone build self-awareness to ultimately build self-confidence and achieve their highest potential. Come check it out on my website.

  3. Kindness in words creates confidence.  Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.  Kindness in giving creates love. – Lao Tzu

    This is no fable. It hundred percent works.

  4. I sometimes feel low on confidence while talking with some other person. I am glad that I found this blog that shares ways to increase ones self-confidence. I tried out a few and it helped me. Thank you for shring

  5. I really loved this article. I am 26 and have very low self-confidence. I am going to learn all of this word by word so that I don’t forget even when I am sleeping.

  6. Thank you so much for this article! I was recently passed over for a promotion at my job for lack of self-confidence and that is the only reason! I’ve been working hard on that this past year but still didn’t get to the level they need. Fair enough – truly. My focus this year needs to be that I need to be more confident when I am client facing – this will help me a great deal. I am so very glad I found your article.

    Thank you.


    • Thanks Susan. Glad you liked the post. Keep working on that confidence. I am sure you will improve. For those of us that are introverts confidence and social glibness does not come easily. But with some effort and forcing ourselves into uncomfortable situations it can be done.

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