How To Deal With Failure (6 Mindset Shifts To Overcome Failure)
What if you never make it in life? What if you don’t achieve the goals you set out to achieve?
Failure can be harsh. It can leave you traumatized and make you give up on your dreams. It will make you settle for a life that you don’t really want. This is most people’s reality because they never learned how to deal with failure. They never develop the mental habits to push through failure so they never get what they want.
So, How does one deal with failure? Because one thing is sure, you can’t avoid it. No matter what your goals are regarding; fitness, relationships, making money you are going to experience failure at some point.
Today we show you mental habits to not let failure break you. We will also talk about why is it important to have the right mindset when dealing with failure.
Why do you need the right mindset when dealing with failure?
1. Failure will make you give up.
If you don’t handle failure in the right way, it will make you give up on your dreams. Anyone who is living a miserable life once had some dreams and aspirations. They had drive and ambition and a willingness to work. They believed that they were made for greater things. They wanted to make an impact on the world.
But when they actually started working on their grandiose goals, they failed. This repetitive failure broke them because they didn’t have the right mindset. They developed learned helplessness and it made them hate themselves and settle for a mediocre life.
Now any time they get inspired to change their life, it’s very shortlived. Their past failures keep holding them back from taking action. And they are stuck in misery loop for the rest of their life. This is the story of 95% people who never achieved their goals.
And this can be you pretty easily if you ignore these mindsets. If you don’t take the time to cultivate a better mindset, it’s very unlikely you will succeed.
Because look at the stats? There are no lucky outliers. You won’t create the life you want by accident. You and your mindset have to change if you want your life to change.
2. You will miss out on the valuable lessons.
When a baby who is trying to walk falls, does he/she get mad? Does he quit and say it’s not for me? No, it learns from the fall. It focuses on taking the feedback; “Maybe don’t lean so far to the left…. don’t take long steps…oh my balance is off ..so on.” It has to fall over and over to get the whole picture.
Now, let’s say the baby was like you. He got discouraged by his falls and started feeling bad. Eventually, he decided, he is not going to do this. This isn’t working for him. Would the baby ever be able to walk if it gets so caught up in feeling bad about momentary failures?
No. Gladly babies aren’t like that. They keep their enthusiasm up even after falling. You would have to learn to act similarly if you ever want to achieve something. I am not talking about faking enthusiasm but seeing failure with the right perspective. Because if you don’t you will miss out on the valuable feedback and never learn your lessons.
Who knew a baby would know the secret to success, right?
If you don’t risk anything, you won’t gain anything. In this way, failure is almost necessary for success. Anyone who has ever achieved success learned that. They learned to see their mistakes in a different light. And you need to do the same.
3. It’s the only way to succeed
If you aren’t okay with failing. If you keep looking for a quick fix because you are too scared to fail then you don’t deserve the success you want.
The world isn’t a crazy place where you get anything you want without any effort. The goals you have require a certain sacrifice, effort.
The moment you are okay with putting in the effort and waiting, you are on the right track. And that’s where I want to take you mentally with this article.
Every successful person who earned their success has developed a callous nature towards all this. A deep acceptance of failure being a necessary part of the process.
They know that you can’t skip steps in this journey. There are no quick fixes in life. You work towards the thing you want, fail, deal with it correctly and start again. This is it. If it sounds exhausting, you don’t have the right mindset.
4. Failure makes your journey gratifying.
Imagine watching a movie with no hero’s journey. A movie where nothing goes wrong, everything is easy and the end. Would you want to watch that? Because I wouldn’t. Same is with your life. Failure, if interpreted correctly, can make your life a story worth telling.
Look at people who have success and they haven’t earned. They tend to self-sabotage themselves because they are deeply unhappy. You think getting what you want with no effort would be fun. But it’s not true.
There will be no contrast and you would just get everything you want right away, this will make you deeply unhappy.
So consider that perhaps you aren’t supposed to just click your finger and get everything you want. Maybe all the effort can make the results much more enjoyable.
5. Failure will change you.
You can’t escape yourself. Even if you get everything you want tomorrow without any work, it won’t change you. It won’t change your insecurities, your beliefs and as a person, you would have gained zero experience.
Dealing with failure is supposed to change you. Thick-skin, patience, work-ethic, self-confidence, a growth mindset are just a few things you gain if you look at failure the right way.
You transform into the best version of you because of these experiences. It almost like the blows of failures scrapes you into the new you. The ideal you reveal itself just a little bit every time you face a failure.
Whatever doesn’t grow, dies. If you don’t see failure the right way, you will never grow in life. You will keep experiencing the same things over and over. Keep meeting the same people and, doing the same things and your dreams will die. I don’t want that for you.
I want you to change yourself. I hope this creates an epiphany for you and you start to see things differently. You start to change the trajectory of your life.
5 Mindset Tips to Deal with Failure Properly
#1 Change Your Interpretation.
Let’s say you are teaching your baby to walk. He trips and falls and can’t even seem to stand up. How many attempts will you give your baby before you say “Nah that’s enough, you are not walking”?
You will let the baby try as many times as it takes. Because you interpret his falling over (failure) as a learning experience. And why not do this with everything else in your life?
Whenever you fail, change your self-talk. Start seeing and interpreting it as a learning experience.
When anything didn’t go my way, I used to say “ I am such a failure, I never follow through. It’s my fault…” -- and I was broke and depressed.
I canceled out all that talk and started saying “This is a learning experience, what lessons is this teaching me?..” --- It helped me build a six-figure business, lose weight, have great relationships.
I changed my interpretation to “this is me trying and experimenting”. I stopped saying; “I am a failure, I just don’t follow through.
The interpretation has to change to experimenting, experience and growing. You can’t keep fueling the swaying negative self-talk and expect a different life.
If you label everything as a failure —“Oh I am never good enough” well then you are a failure and will stay one. Because you are interpreting everything as a failure.. failure ..failure.
The moment you change your self-talk, things will change.
#2 Learn the Lessons.
As we discussed above, failure is a necessity for learning. There is no way to get better without trying and failing.
When you fail, you have the opportunity to ask yourself, what am I doing wrong? You will see what works and doesn't work.
In my life, I learned the same way. I tried so many times but couldn’t lose weight. By failing in weight loss ----- I learned that it’s more effective to eat less than you consume than to try burning it through exercise. And this made a huge impact. I lost over 18kgs. Also, my experience in failing with my weight loss helped me in helping my clients lose weight.
As a life coach, I made videos for a year and nobody watched. It was heartbreaking to see all the work go to waste. But the moment I asked, what’s the lesson? Things changed ---- I learned you have to find ways to bring traffic. Traffic is your responsibility and you can’t just make content and hope for people to come to you.
In my relationships, I couldn’t find long lasting love. Short-term I would do really well but it never really worked out in the long haul. After trying many relationships early in my life ---- I learned that you have to show up differently and authentically and love shows up into your life.
So many things, I wouldn’t have learned if I didn’t fail right? Your failures are hiding such lessons too but you won’t see them unless you try. You have to step out of that “feeling bad” loop. That’s why changing your interpretation was the first step.
When you change your interpretation and open up yourself to maybe “You are doing something wrong and this lack of success is trying to teach me something”, things start working out.
Start focusing on the lesson your failure is trying to teach you.
#3 Remember To Be Patient.
If your diets aren’t working for you, if things in your business aren’t popping out for you then maybe it’s okay to wait.
Because whatever goals you have they take a certain amount of time they take. And you can’t change that. It’s a universal law; you sow and after a certain time you reap. Some plants take longer, some shorts. It depends on what you are planting in the ground ( your goals).
Most people want that instant gratification, that finally hitting their goal point that they forget it’s patience. That it’s one step a time. That they can only take certain steps a day.
Instead of being caught up in; “Oh I don’t have what I want yet, will I ever get it?” Why not grant yourself some patience? Switch your self-talk to “We are gonna get it. We just have to stick through. Everybody goes through this. It’s one step at a step.”
Why not talk to yourself like that? You don’t need that instant result to make you happy. And it’s okay to keep going. And If you don’t step out of it, you will stay stuck and never get what you want.
The moment I said; okay I am going to stick with this. It’s one step at a time. Things started to change.
If you don’t have patience then you are probably projecting your lack of happiness on to your goals. I won’t be happy until I get x..y..z. Well, guess what? So long as you say that you will never get x..y..z.
Because you won’t be able to satiate this desperation which will hinder your ability to be patient. In the next step, we discuss how to fix this.
#4 Live an Abundant Life.
Desire is a complex thing. The reason you can’t have what you really want, is because you are being needy and desperate. You are telling yourself that you don’t deserve it.
You don’t feel undeserving of a glass of water, you just go out and grab it. But having financial freedom, great relationships, better health, those seem out of reach right? You have to hustle and become somebody and then only you will get them.
I know there is a difference between grabbing a glass of water and your goals but look at the psychology. Whatever your goals they have simple steps which you can follow to get them, just like you would get a glass of water.
They might require more effort and work but they are simple. Why don’t you follow them? Because of the mental resistance that you have. Because you don’t see it as part of your reality. But the truth is the goals that you have are just normal life for some people. They are happy, healthy and get everything they want.
I am talking about being in the right frequency and mindset to receive your goals. The moment you feel you are good enough for your goals and they are something you are going to have inevitably, you are going to get them.
I am not saying you don’t put effort and you just think about things and get them. That’s far from the truth. It’s a two-pronged approach, effort with the right mental state.
If I said to you please read this blog, please keep reading it, please. Would that want to make you watch more or less? In a similar way, you have to stop needing things if you want to get them. You have to get out of your negative thinking patterns.
The way you do that is by doing things that make you happy. Follow your intuition, try new things, find ways to make yourself feel good and dealing with failure will get way easier.
Do the work but also focus on creating that upward spiral in your life. Lift your emotional state so that it makes it easy for you to see failure differently.
#5 Do What You Really Want.
Most people keep failing and can’t seem to perform because they aren’t even doing the right thing.
For example: If you are pursuing a degree to make your parents happy then good luck being driven, passionate and having the right mindset.
It’s just not going to happen. It’s like Jim Carry used to say which he learned from his dad “Fail at something you love”
Because failure is inevitable so you might as well fail at something you love rather than even succeeding at something you don’t like doing. You will always feel unhappy, even if you manage to succeed at it.
If you think you are working on the wrong things then change that. Listen to your heart and work on something that matters to you. What are your interests? What are your passions?
Is it starting a clothing line or owning a restaurant? Start working on that and failure will be easy to deal with. As the end goal means something to you.
I have helped bootstrap businesses owners to build million-dollar companies. If you want to start your passion business or take your existing business to the next level, book a free-30 minute consultation with me to get started.
#6 Make The Process Enjoyable.
If you make the “work” required for achieving your goals easier and fun, failure or slow progress won’t bother you.
For example. Why was it so hard to go to the gym to lose weight? I started skiing and burned the same amount of calories. I made the process fun and easy.
To have deeper relationships, plan some fun activities together. Spend quality time together that will lead you to be vulnerable and honest. Why was it so hard to initiate those hard conversations?
In your business, outsource the mundane work and focus on the main thing i.e. creating value in the market place, however you do that.
You aren’t a donkey who needs to put in the unnecessacry effort. How can you make it easier and get the same results? That’s what you should ask yourself regularly.
Find meaning and fun in the process and failure won’t hit you as hard. Because you are just enjoying the process. Find ways to make your work simpler and enjoyable. The only reason failure will break you because you want the end result to be happy. But what if the process made you happy?
What would happen then? Failure or success it won’t make a difference because you have found meaning.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Rafael Eliassen
From dropping out of school and working as a janitor with extreme social anxiety to building multiple 7-figure businesses from scratch. Rafael Eliassen built a brand as a motivational speaker in his early twenties, quickly reaching over 30-million people with his speeches and growing a great following on social media. This became a gateway to supporting incredible entrepreneurs all over the world.
By helping bootstrapping business owners, Rafael learned how to make the very most out of very little... Leading to astonishing ROI's for his clients, and a thriving consulting firm of his own. Featured in publications such as Entrepreneur & Good Magazine, promoted by many top channels with millions of followers such as Practical Psychology, Rafael has truly established himself as a leading digital entrepreneur of Generation Z.