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When we think of a friend, we think of someone with whom we have things in common and a person we enjoy being around. But, a friend is also that person to share secrets.
A friend is that special confidant who can see the best in us even when we can't see it in ourselves. Also, they are there for us in times of trauma or tragedy. So many of us are closer to our friends than our own family members.
A friend brings a smile to our faces, and when their name is mentioned, our faces light up among other things. However, friendships can change like any relationship, and people grow apart. It could be because of changes in personal circumstances. For example, you may move away, start a new career that keeps you busy, or even get married and start a family.
Then there are times in any relationship or friendship where there is a disappointment. It could be that someone let us down, wasn’t there when we needed them the most, or they spoke ill of us behind our backs.
Whenever friendships begin to go sour, it is essential to our mental health that we evaluate the relationship to see if it is even worth saving. We should ask ourselves, is it worth the effort? Is it worth the continued disrespect?
What Are the Signs of Disrespect?
According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, disrespect is defined as a lack of special regard or respect for someone. In addition, it means to show contempt for, insult, or dis.
Some signs of disrespect are blatant, some subtitle, and others are done unknowingly. It is essential to note it and address it appropriately with a friend.
Assess the situation and determine if your friendship is worth saving. If so, sit down and have a sincere conversation with your friend about your feelings of being disrespected.
If the disrespect is more blatant and your friend is not willing to consider your feelings, it could be time to distance yourself from that person.
23 Warning Signs Your Friend Doesn't Respect You
1. Your friend doesn't listen (conversations are one-sided).
Typically, friends take great interest in each other’s lives. Additionally, when you haven't seen or spoken to each other in a while, you seek to “catch up,” wanting to know the details of things that happened since you last communicated.
However, if the conversation appears to be one-sided all the time, showing little interest in your life experiences, it's a sign of disrespect and disinterest.
2. They don’t keep their word (untrustworthy) and show no remorse.
Your friend promised to be there to support you in any endeavor, challenging task, or trying situation. You were counting on them for support, but they never showed up to help you.
When you confront them for not showing up, your friend blows it off as if it’s no big deal. It is disrespectful and shows a lack of value for their word and your importance in their life. In fact, this behavior exposes their overall character.
3. Your friend is dishonest.
You are a high character person, so you seek a friend the same way. You thought you had one in this particular person, but you realize the things that they have told you are entirely untrue. There was no reason for your friend to lie because you are friends, and you think the world of them anyway.
However, it starts to happen so often, if they told you the sky was blue, you would have to go outside to check it for yourself.
4. In social gatherings, your friend deserts you.
You and your friend go to a social gathering together. However, they leave you and start working the room and mingling with others. Meanwhile, you are left standing there looking around, wondering where your friend has run off to this time. It’s as if you went there alone. So now you are lonely, frustrated, and clearly not having an enjoyable time.
5. Speaks to you in a rough tone of voice.
Okay, so we all have that one super bossy friend who may feel they are always right. However, beware of the friend who gets loud with you and talks down to you as if you’re stupid. That behavior is a blatant show of disrespect.
6. They have boundary issues and don't respect yours.
A friend is genuinely someone who is always there for you. But to take advantage of it with 3am venting sessions over the phone that last until it's time for you to shower in the morning before work is disrespectful. So is showing up in the middle of the night, coming over at your bedtime, and staying for hours.
Another boundary issue to be aware of is the friend who shows up at your place of employment and hangs out. Your boss and coworkers look at you like you're “crazy” because of your friend.
They will also treat your home and possessions as if they were theirs.
7. Distrusting of you.
Another sign of disrespect to beware of from a friend is someone who doesn’t seem to trust you. They question your whereabouts. They challenge your motives behind your decisions, and they fact-check things you say as if they're a detective and you need an alibi.
8. Disrespects you in front of others.
A blatant disrespectful move from a friend is for them to disrespect you in front of others. Your friend should think the best of you and want others to feel the same way as well.
The disrespectful ones belittle and embarrass you in public. Saying hurtful things, calling you harsh names, or bringing up embarrassing personal stories of you for a laugh.
9. Speaks things in public that you shared in confidence.
A friend should be like a vault of secrets. But nothing is secret or sacred when everyone seems to have the combination to that vault. So it's time to distance yourself or to save the friendship, don't share anything with them that you want to be kept private.
10. Your friend expects you to always reach out first.
Have you had friends who say, “I never hear from you?” If so, just remember, friendship is a two-way street. There is the same distance from your house to theirs as it is from theirs to yours. You and your friend both have the same number of digits in your phone numbers.
Beware of the friend who always expects you to make all the effort to communicate and be friends. A man that has friends must show himself friendly.
11. Your feelings aren't valued.
It is disrespectful if you and a friend plan to go out, but they insist on going places you've communicated that you don't enjoy. The same goes for insisting on going places where you’ve had traumatic experiences.
In addition, if your friend says and does things you don’t approve of or doesn’t consider your perspective in a disagreement; it’s a sign of disrespectful behavior.
12. Talking about you behind your back.
A common phrase for this is feeling like you've been “stabbed in the back.” Your friend should have your back and defend you in mixed company and when you aren't around.
But disrespectful friends say hurtful things behind your back that make you look bad. Usually, things are told that were never said to your face.
13. Your friend doesn’t acknowledge you as their friend to others.
You are happy to tell the world of your fantastic friend, however when your friend introduces you, it lacks the same enthusiasm.
In fact, you said they were your best friend, but they rarely acknowledge you as a friend at all. Beware of this type of behavior.
14. Your friend 1-ups you. They belittle your accomplishments.
You received a $100 a week raise; your friend says they received $150. You set a school record with 40 points in a high school basketball game when you were a senior. However, your friend one-ups you again. She says she scored 50 in her sophomore season.
Whether you've experienced or accomplished, good or bad, your disrespectful friend claims to have done it better or endured worse.
15. You’re often made to feel like an inconvenience to them.
Have you ever called a friend and they answered the phone as if you were a bother to them? Additionally, they were loud, short, and grumpy with you. Their behavior made you feel like you did something wrong by reaching out to them.
16. Your friend is manipulative toward you.
Similar to other behaviors of disrespect, beware of the friend who tries to control you. They will try making you do what they want you to do when they want you to do it.
If you refuse, they know just what buttons to push to get their way.
17. They are jealous of your accomplishments.
You may have a friend who praises your accomplishments, but you can tell by the pitch of their voice, demeanor, and posture that they are condescending. They may also say things under their breath when it comes time to celebrate with you.
18. You’re made to feel uncomfortable.
Beware of friends that constantly put you in the middle of their drama. For example, they want you to pick a side in an argument between them and their spouse. In addition, they put you on the spot, seeking your opinion as if those crucial decisions about “their” lives are up to you.
19. Time spent away from them is a relief.
The reason you breathe a sigh of relief when you are away from your friend is that you can now get off the emotional roller coaster.
No more pretending you’re ok with their disrespect and being quiet to keep the peace. Simply put, it may be time to move on so you can continue walking in peace.
20. They speak negatively of your spouse, boyfriend, family, or other friends of yours.
Beware of the friend who dares to speak negatively about those you hold in high regard. It's also a sign of disrespect for them to talk inappropriately about friends or family you may have issues with at the moment.
Just because you have an issue with your spouse doesn't give them a license to bash them.
Also, be careful not to give your friend the open door to disrespect those people. A wise man once said, never let the world see you at odds with your family. But, unfortunately, others feel it gives them the green light to take sides in the fight – causing discord.
21. They are pushing you to make bad decisions.
If your friend jumps off a bridge, would you do it? I hope not unless it’s bungee jumping. Not much to say here; it is disrespectful to pressure a friend to make ill-advised decisions.
Peer pressure doesn’t stop when you become an adult. So be determined to be the leader you are and set a great example. Make excellent choices. Make decisions now you'll appreciate twenty years from now.
22. Your friend only contacts you when they need something from you.
You've consistently tried to connect with your friend to catch up, go out for coffee, or go shopping, but they claim to be too busy, even for a quick phone conversation.
On the contrary, when they need something from you, suddenly they are available, very complimentary as if you all are the closest of pals. This is disrespectful.
23. Your friend doesn’t return phone calls or texts.
You have called your friend, left several voicemails, and texted to check on them numerous times with no reply.
You see your friend on social media. They have even posted photos showing their relaxing evening spent by the pool. However, you receive no response to messages. So it feels like the right time to put distance between you and them.
Final Thoughts on Signs Your Friend Doesn’t Respect You
There are so many levels to friendships. Because of that, a friend’s actions can be considered disrespectful because you two have different views of your friendship and what you want out of it. It is also important to recognize when a friendship is toxic.
It is vital to communicate in any relationship. Don't give up right away if there are issues, because many friendships are salvageable. The disrespect shown to you may be for reasons you haven’t even considered.
Unfortunately, it is our fault if we allow the hurtful disrespect to continue without communicating with our friend about it or getting away from it. Simply doing nothing is unhealthy because it can grow like a weed into bitterness and resentment.
A great practice is to communicate with your friends about disrespectful behavior. Also, never stoop to their level of disrespect. Instead, focus on the good times and develop good habits.
Lastly, it's OK if you realize that you and your friend have grown apart. You want a friend who fits into and encourages you to achieve your goals and overall vision for your life. For more information about having a vision board for your goals, click here.
Just remember… some friends are in your life for a season and a reason. They are a blessing, a lesson, or both. We all change, grow together, or apart. It's not always someone's fault, as we may think. As friends and people, we just simply grew apart.